I'm back...

It's been log time I have not wroth..

I kind of missing myself. it's been crazy ups and downs in last 12 months, look like I was on firmament, going round and round. every time came to down point thought I'm done and it's over but again before I notice start to run...

It's funny how life can be revolving and time won't stop. I have learned a lot in this process got wiser, smarter and braver.

I use to be quite and in the name of respect keep down but I found my voice and stand taller now. I guess for year of though time I did great and gain on right way, so let say I'm proud of myself now...

the secret is should not lose HOPE, and ignore the surrounding  just focus on target.

RAMADAN...

To me...

To be come know myself better and get closer to my creator  and big chance to seeking forgiveness for what have i written on my deeds book and try my best to learn how to see realty of life and understand why ALLAH send us to this world...

ALLAH give us rebirth on this earth to we explore ourself, see and understand the reason ALLAH create this world and us! 

It's all about become pure and cleaner not about eating Iftar and staying hungry all day, its about learn how to be PATIENCE and GRATEFUL for what ALLAH has given us.

The SOUL, it's all the matter...

May ALLAH bring lights to all hearts...

Lucky who ever made it to ALLAH house in this beautiful month and be Guest of ALLAH'S HOUSE... 

Lady...

Lady,

Don't abandon of yourself, be yourself umbrella, be yourself cloud, be yourself rani.

No doubt, GOD is genius to create you, forget his humans which disregard your femanish world...

Lady,

you eat warm Naan first, this time. all olive in the world is yours, this time...

when you got cold feet, don't sob your loneliness، sing it. sing it load for warming your own heart.

Don't show your loneliness with crying ever, even you sing alone. keep your lullaby for yourself, this time...

Lady,

it would be great, be guest of yourself for afternoon tea.

when tea is ready don't forget to wear your mini skirt, sugar cube will melt in jar when you drink acid taste of tea load...

Lady, 

laugh heartfelt, laugh at life. 

which if wasn't for your felling and kindness they would not judgement and would not order to legitimacy your freedom, have to report anywhere you go.

i know, their saying and their want it fell not only your ears even your soul...

Lady,

Kind, sleep heartfelt, so you can forget little words which have broken your heart...

Real Lady, GOD loan existence peace in your eyes, your hug and right on your lips, go to hell who ever mess with your peaceful soul, go to hell who ever can't see your beautiful soul but knows well ups and downs of your body.

between us, GOD is shameful of caress's spot left on your body.

Lady,

how are you feeling? how long have been not dreaming? by the way, still crying? you promise won't show your loneliness with crying, are you still waiting to hear, I LOVE YOU...?!

Let's change the subject.

let your hair grow longer, let them breath under scarf.

don't forget red nail polish, GOD create all pink, red just for you.

it's been long crows talking about peacocks.

let them keep gossiping, you don't forget your earrings.

you wish any time, bring your hand out of car and touch the wild body of wind. you wish any time, talk laugh load.

dance everyday, wish with your heart instrument or wish with...

Just, don't forget read book.

Lady,

beautiful and complete

you are specific taste of GOD, that GOD which seat, put leg over leg and draw love over your dear soul's canvas.

so you are the finest...

Lady,

the finest GOD's pome is you, laugh from bottom of your heart and leave feelings can't read you in your eyes...

I dedicate this to all women in world and dearest ladies in my life... 

Liar...

Why lie?

What's lie anyway?

Some people think life or personality is like business. they try to sell themselves to buy prestige, respect,reputation...

The mask they use it totally fake, their worlds, thoughts, believes, faith is false.

If we look around ourselves we will be able to see the truth, it's just we don't want too! our eyes been use to see just front of nose...

Whole world is busy to put up the show, the show is all drama, dirty and massy.

The media, politic, celebrity, religious, even normal people like US...

I think the person lies, its look like beautiful colour balloon, which is have eye catching appearance but its totally empty inside...!

The Liars are DELUSIONAL... 

I hate liars, i have told them so so so many times.

She is IDIOT... 

She have no shame, one after other relive WTF she have done! but won't learn...

Life is Circus...

I wonder this days, is it life or circus?

Nothing is on right place...

Life got hold of us, it's not us rules the life anymore. we can't think clear and force to accept circumstances, no matter what we want destiny make the way.

She want to stay alive and live but that stupid cancer eating her alive, and leave us keep missing her like haven't seen her for around 6 months!

I'm praying all the time that pain end and i can see her with sweet smile of her angel face which when i looking her eyes give me such peace and comfort...

I miss her hug, it's hug any little sister wish for...

Other one change her heart wishes, let it go to be happy and see him happy...

My soul is in process for wipe out and move out to place his heart bite for but his peace and happiness will be left behind...

I had to fight whole my life for my simplest rights of be in human, i worked so crazy to give peace and normal relax life to my children, i walk away of who i was and what i want only for better tomorrow. I'm there where i want to be and i thought I'm done now i can seat and watch my kids enjoying what i build for them.

I was wrong, very very wrong. it's going to drain in my soul's dreams...

I feel like I'm empty no power for fighting again and again...

I need silents in my brain and my heart, I'm crush in every way.

I want to wake up from this nightmare...

Your l...  massage killing me when i see secret in it... DON'T

Whistler therapy did not worked, i just cause more war in my head.

Technology Century...

Is it good or bad i don't know anymore, right now!

It's been too much lately, i keep losing information over trusting this smart phones and applications. it suppose to keep info not deleting them without my command!!!

The worse one is this crazy Apple tech, oh God they think so big of themselves and they have no answer or solution for their mass up too!

I remember my grandma use to say: in our time no one would be worries for late coming home and so many other things that easy because there were no phone! i think she is right, technology growing too fast and making life more complicated to help really. some time things so  messy specially in business which no one can help it all you hear is it' system we can do nothing... 

i hate my phone and laptop right now...

love in broken mirror...

It happen again, again and again...

The same mistake, losing what he have over past...!!!

why can't they learn past is PAST, don't crash themselves, themselves means we, we have given all our heart soul for them breathing for them...

GOD...

i don't know what to say, wish i was close to her and would go hug her, wipe her tears. her tears which means love is burning in seeing her soul leaving her body...

AH, crazy life...

All she want is your hand to hold her as hard as she hold you and don't let her go...!!!

friendship...

It was day, I was lost in my head because I got wake-up slap from life and I was dazed by it.

I was new in anonymous world. It’s our way of thinking showed that who we are in this kind of world, so i happened to know beautiful talented artist human I have ever came cross, someone with all soul in her art. Some how became easy to read her thought to me and that’s made me start talking to her and she is so big, kind heart person start to listening.

The answer to my problems was in her art, those answers got me out of confusion, and I start looking to myself in the mirror again…

I found a woman was lost in life process, dugout and put myself together again piece by piece.

We became friends in face off world,  which we can be anyone and anything want to be real or fake, but once you have pure soul will come cross beautiful soles which they are noting then heart. It’s a feeling you get real, true, pure so then you be connected.

The way you feel like you know other for long time so you allow yourself step out of line and become close in conversations, I just been lucky to be accepted with her kind heart that much become so real which kind of not face off world anymore.

It’s relations between hearts, minds, visions, mysteries and power of saying which we have in our own ways.  That what I call TRUE FIRENDSHIP, you will be there anytime and any thing for an other. Will do what you can to show the road to dream, dream which is be best at your self. When we learn the best point of our self we are living the dream, then happiness, confident, pureness happens in our soul.

I saw in her and I leaned, I’m getting there.

The true friendship is mirror which she or he can show you what you need to see!!!

I can't repay her for changes she brought in to my life, accept work harder in my read so she can see my dream.

I'm so thankful to GOD for blessing me with her friendship...

flight...

I was sitting next to the only stranger I known 9 years ago. It was most sweet bitter kind of the day. I was cutting my past and starting some thing new in never land, The land I didn't know with stranger.
Most people of my life call that biggest mistake Of my life, but I'm so happy to did that mistake it turn out to be the best one...!
It's been ups and downs road up to here but still is joyful and I want more of this journey with him, as matter affect don't want this life with out him.
Hey most well known stanger of my life, you are best thing ever happen to me... 

❤❤❤

Taller...

You know the bed feels warmer

sleeping here alone

you know i dream in color

and do the things i want

You think you got the best of me

think you had the last laugh

bet you think that every thing good is gone

think you left me broken down

think that i'd come running back

baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

stand a little taller

doesn't mean i'm lonely when i'm alone

what doesn't kill you makes a fighter

footsteps even lighter

doesn't mean i'm over cause you're gone

You heard that i was starting over with someone new

but told you i was moving on over you

you didn't think that i'd come back

i'd come back swinging

you try to break me

thanks to you i got a new thing started

thanks to you i'm not a broken hearted

thanks to you i'm finally thinking bout me

you know in the end the day to left was just my begging  in the end

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

stand a little taller

doesn't mean i'm lonely when i'm alone

what doesn't kill you makes a fighter

footsteps even lighter

NOT BROKEN COMPLETELY... YET....

Rebuild...

She said: stay strong, put behind things make you break, try to forget.

I just cried...

I thought to her words, my eyes stopped raining but my heart still stormy.

When broken piece break again won't shatter like before, it will break in bigger pieces. just need time to hill.

I'm getting use to the process...!

I don't see any Red, i have cold feet.

I had glued myself once,...

Destiny...

There are two coffee shop close to my work place on cross each other of the road,, every morning when i walking to work i leave my destiny  to traffic lights.

Which ever side is green by the time i get there i will go that on...

But, if that i'm in is busy i will go other one.

I was thinking that's kind of life way too, We leave things on destiny where ever life take us, but there are the moment we make decision and make destiny for ourself...!!!

Line...

I was thinking how can i take control of my mind!!!

Some time taking me in way way out of line.I'm pretty scared of my own thought, it's powerful and dangerous stuff.

This days I'm trying be positive but something like  thunder attacking all my brith, shiny thoughts.

The mind is like shell, good will be clear or otherwise.I feel like mine is keep changing color from clear to black and back, i want way out, the way stay clear and pour for ever.

I keep crossing line... 

feeling confident...

I'm one of bless people in world to having loving and caring family and open heart's friends around the glob to help me gain my confident back.

I happen to become friend with beautiful loving girl inside and outside, she gave me happiness in my heart and open eyes to see myself again, 

she changed my life without she know that. she shown me, happy and active and pretty woman in myself which i didn't felt her last 4 years anymore.

she made me think a mother don't need to be only that, can be woman, confident, strong, and beautiful. because of her i had such happy feeling inside my heart on my 9th wedding anniversary and i saw shin and proudness in my hubby's eyes and smile in his face, after all that happen few months ago which would made my life upside down.

I'm thankful to her, which her confident and her simple way of beauty made me realize i shouldn't let myself go and hang on my life and be strong again...

to you Sparkly lady:

i see...

the brightness, warm kindness

taking over the glob,

that's spark of your footsteps...

I pray to GOD keep you healthy, safe, happy, and success for ever...

you are the kindess unknown friend i ever have.

thank you for permission.

is coming...

,I'm getting ready

.year running after year

...I'm down to 9th

I hope things go as i plan, we do really need that time...